Nashville Love part 3: Too complicated ?
Jesus Holy Christ!!! (And I’m Jewish!!!)
Oh, never mind. Shut up both of you because I’ve had it!!! Just had it!! Now sit tight, try to control your push-pull urge for a second and listen!
Let’s start with the good news (and I dug really deep for it): Your pain, it didn’t go unnoticed. I, we, REALLY feel you.
This thing you are going through, there are really no words, because breaking up is always a tough thing to do and breaking up with someone you love is a special kind of hell.
But breaking up with someone you love body and soul for most of your adult life who loves you back just in the same intensity, that your lives are intertwined in every possible way, but that you broke each other’s heart over and over again over the years and that your recent attempt to get back together ended with a near death experience that made you two realize that maybe love really just ain’t enough in your case to mend all the things that addiction, lies and too much history ruined…well, I don’t have a name for this biblical proportion tragedy.
So let’s just agree that “It’s complicated” doesn’t even begin to cover it and let’s also just agree that it’s so tragic and yet poetic and beautiful that I’m probably way too much emotionally invested in it.
Due to the scope of this disaster, at first, I thought to myself: Who am I to pass judgment?
But…and there’s a big but here (like Rayna’s “But” when she confessed her love to Deacon), watching you two trying to pick up the pieces and rebuild your lives is too often like watching a car crash in slow motion. You are only making things worse, so, quite franky, Fuck it! Enough is enough!
Look, I know you’re country singers and all, but seriously, what do you have against happiness? (And Deacon, this thing with Megan is NOT happiness. You just so unfamiliar with the concept that you can’t tell the difference. Trust me on that)
You know what, forget happiness,way overrated. Don’t you think that after EVERYTHING you’ve been through together and alone, it’s time to face the music (literally and figuratively) and actually CHANGE your old patterns in order to break the cycle of codependence and addiction?
Because if you think for one second that being together is your worse old pattern – think again. Hard!
Jesus! (Again, Jew-ish. See what you’ve done?)
Have you heard of the expression ‘Hubris’? The sin of vanity? Well, if not, look it up. That thing that you do – convincing yourselves you have truth and justice by your side while covering your eyes so you won’t have to face the truth and unintentionally just make things worse – Hubris.
You two are so desperate to save yourselves from your biblical tragedy that get yourself into a Greek tragedy. Still a tragedy, just better music.
And no, I will not stop here. This is Valentine’s Day for crying out loud and no one will ever love you like I (and the rest of our coven of fangirls) do.
Instead, I’m going to get down to specifics and we’ll start with you Deacon.
Deacon – Look, I’m human
and also never met Connie Britton so still straight. You’re irresistible, the man of men. There’s nothing about you that’s not hot (believe me, I’ve looked). But let’s face it, dating you is much better in fantasy than in fake TV real life, because the baggage you carry with you into a room doesn’t exactly scream marriage material…unless, of course, you’re Megan. Do you see the problem here? No, ha? Well, since you seem to spell out the truth only in your green hulk mode moments allow me to fill in the blanks.
OK, here’s the problem: Deacon, you’re a man whore.I’m Sorry, but it’s the truth! Women simply fall at your lap and you don’t say no. Don’t get me wrong – I don’t judge, especially since you don’t handle being alone too well, so it sure beats the alternative. The problem is different.The problem is that you’re trying to pretend it’s something more than a coping-mechanism (where do you think Luke learned that expression?) You pretend it’s a healthy relationship that helps you be your own man as opposed to just Rayna’s lovesick puppy.
Well, Deacon, it did help but not in the way you think it did, since you still love Rayna and Megan is not just a filler for Rayna, but also a filler for the therapist you need to start seeing. So what you actually did in the last couple of months is basically sleep with your therapist. Does this sound healthy to you??
Another thing, the woman you choose to share your life with can’t be called an angel. That’s a fantasy. Real relationships are not angelic or perfect, even the good ones…especially the good ones. To have that elusive happiness, you must have the courage to simply show up.
You are Rayna’s equal, but you belittle yourself. Thankfully, it’s graguately changing, thanks to Maddie. You want to be a good father so you push yourself further beyond your martyr complex comfort zone. The reward – a possibility for a life that’s good.
You don’t waste all of it on someone like Megan!!! You’ll never be her equal. It’s not because you’re small in comparison but because your hearts speak in two different languages. It’s more than that she’s not an artist. It’s something much deeper and basic, almost primitive.
What you need is get up, be proud of your recent accomplishments (as you should) and the fact you feel like you have something to bring to the table (although you always had) and dare to go after what YOU want. Don’t do it because you’re weak and can’t do without it, but because without it life are not as good.
They’re not as good because you’re worth being the “one” for your “one”, because you’re not invisible and worth fighting for (god, you and Juliette are sometimes so alike) and because damn it, you deserve a real sober confrontation.
Then, and only then, love will have room to breath and what that needs to happen-will happen. Sounds good? Then man up!
Rayna – Oh captain my captain, I saved you for last.
Why? Because I get it. You did what you felt you had to do and you paid a very high price for it. Someday soon, I’ll write about how special you are and why, from all the Nashville women you are my true idol (and it’s not just because you look like Connie), but for now all I want to say is just one thing:
Pain can either do one of two things. It can open your heart or it can harden it. For you, it did the latter and it’s not good enough. Not for you, since you are ALL heart. So Luke or any other ‘insignificant other’ like Teddy that allows you to carry on without challenging you in any way? Sorry, it’s just a waste of a good heart.
You, specifically, need to hear music when you love, and you’re a country singer, so it must come from the heart. With Luke, it’s beers and trucks country but it’s just not your brand (by the way you do realize it’s not a relationship but a corporate merger, right?)
To be with him or someone similar, is not finally being yourself. Unlike some other people you are yourself no matter what you do or who you’re with.You don’t need a man for it
What you’re lacking is someone you truly love and actually need. You need someone that doesn’t just mirror your success but also your vulnerability. You need someone that when you’re naked with him he’s also naked with you. That’s not Luke. It can be Deacon now.
You know how good it can be? I don’t think you do because you seized to believe in it long time ago. Well, you should. It’s there, and it’s complicated but it’s also very simple and wonderful and fan-tas-tic …and now it’s time.
P.S one last suggestion: Dump Luke no matter what, but if it doesn’t work out with Deacon can you please be single for a while. Go to girls night out or something. Actually, even if it does work with Deacon – you need some female friends! Sheryl Crow?
Well, that’s all falks. Nashville return Febuary 26 to give these Nashies new and exciting opportunities to make an even bigger mess of things.
Thank you for reading through this LONG journey. Much appreciated. I know it’s not a country song but I would like to end with the words of Tom Waits:
“It’s time, time, time that you love. It’s time, time time”.
Yes, it’s time.
Happy Valentine’s Day